


Open your eyes so that you may see

by static_abyss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, M/M, Reincarnation, Terminal Illnesses, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:40:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/static_abyss/pseuds/static_abyss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna scatters their souls throughout time and hopes that they will find each other, that by the time they have pieced themselves together again, they will be ready.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Open your eyes so that you may see

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks to my giftee for the awesome prompts. I hope you had happy holidays and that you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Many thanks to my beta, M. She did her best with this piece and I take full responsibility for any remaining mistakes. Also please take a look at the notes at the end for warnings.

I.

 

Castiel is born at the dawn of time, before man is even a thought in the Creator's head. He is there when the first particles of what will be the Earth start coming together, before the atoms collide, millions of molecules exploding into a vast universe. At the moment when the first particles come together, Castiel watches and loves. Even before man takes his first step out of the ocean, before God says that angels must serve man, Castiel already loves them.

This is why it is inevitable that Castiel will fall.

-

Dean Winchester believes in God. He just doesn't think too much about it because if he did he'd start questioning and that never ends well. Dean believes that there is a God who is busy taking care of people who matter, people who really need him. Dean believes that if he were worthy, God would have saved him a long time ago. But there's no one to save Dean Winchester, so he saves himself, and with each passing day, he thinks about God a little less.

This is why the angels catch him off guard.

-

Castiel loves Dean Winchester from the moment he is born. The tiny infant that holds on to John Winchester's finger and cries for its mother is full of trust, of a light so bright Castiel has no choice but to call it love. Dean Winchester is beautiful and Castiel loves him because Dean Winchester is important, because he is human and breakable, because he is God's creation.

"Keep an eye on that one," Zachariah says to Castiel on the eve of Dean's first birthday. "Our Father has plans for him."

But Castiel has already been watching, as if he'd known the boy was special, as if Castiel couldn't help but watch.

He watches closer now and learns many things about the Winchesters. He sees how Mary has forgotten the deal she made with the demon Azazel, how John Winchester has no idea why his wife is so overprotective. There are a lot of fights and as Dean grows older, it gets harder and harder to hide them from him.

For a while, when Dean is four, Castiel is afraid that Azazel means to come for him, that Dean is the child Mary sacrificed for John. But Azazel merely watches the way Castiel watches, and Castiel knows that it's the other child Azazel wants, the one Mary Winchester carries within her.

When Mary dies Castiel almost interferes. Anna, his sister and superior, stops him.

"You can't," she says. "They're not ready."

Castiel listens but it doesn't stop him from watching, from feeling the strange tugging in what would be his stomach as Dean losses that light in his eyes. It's gone by the time Sam Winchester leaves the family only to flicker to life when Sam comes home. Dean is not happy that Jess had to die in order for his brother to come back to him, but Castiel can see that Dean is happy when Sam is with him. The happiness is what keeps Dean up at night, why he can't sleep even though he pretends to. 

Castiel can see that there is a lot of guilt within Dean Winchester's heart.

-

Dean is dying.

He knows it even as he's walking down the hospital hallways. He can feel his body as though it's a heavy weight on his back and he wants to get rid of it. It's a dangerous thing to think with a reaper around, but this is also the happiest Dean has been in a long time. His brother is back. Their father is happier than Dean remembers him being. There has never been a better moment for Dean to die.

But Dean lives.

He tries to remember the relief when he's about to die the second time. Except there is no relief, only fear as he's torn apart by hellhounds, their teeth ripping into his stomach, their breaths ice cold on his face. He thinks of Sam, but also of a man he'd seen in the street once, a man with gray blue eyes. Dean doesn't understand why he remembers the man when he's about to die, why the last thing he sees are blue gray eyes.

His last thought before dying is that he's disappointed his father. It is the same thought in his head when the angel pulls him out of hell.

-

Anna makes it very clear that Dean Winchester must be the one to stop the apocalypse. She never breathes a word about how much Dean Winchester has changed since Castiel stopped watching him. It can be no more than a year, but Castiel has been told that there is an eternity in one human year. From heaven, Castiel can see a broken man, one who tortured in order to survive. When Castiel touched Dean Winchester in hell, his soul had been so bright it blinded. On earth, Dean Winchester is nothing.

"Go to him," Anna tells Castiel. "Help him."

Castiel obeys, as he always does. He finds that Dean Winchester cannot hear him, that there is so little faith in this one human being that Castiel must find a vessel. That is how Castiel finds Jimmy Novak.

Jimmy Novak is Castiel's true vessel, but Castiel is unprepared for the way it feels to step into Jimmy Novak. There's a sense of belonging, as though Castiel has found home at last. Jimmy Novak's soul is pure and unafraid. 

There is no guilt inside Jimmy Novak.

*

When Castiel tells Dean Winchester what he must do, Dean runs. He takes Sam and goes where he thinks the angels won't find them. There are demon wards around the abandoned cottage in the middle of the forest, locks on the single door. Castiel sees lines of salts, demon traps, but he is not worried because he and Uriel are not demons.

*

"Why me?" Dean Winchester asks when Castiel comes to him in the middle of the night. 

They are back at the human Bobby's home. Castiel is leaning against the kitchen counter watching as Dean paces in front of him. There's an odd note to Dean Winchester's voice, something that makes him sound younger than he is. Castiel watches him and tries to understand what is wrong. 

"I'm nobody," Dean says. "Why me?"

For a moment Castiel is tempted to admit that he does not know either, to tell Dean Winchester that if it were up to Castiel he would have picked a worthier champion. Because now that Castiel has seen Dean Winchester, he's found him lacking. But it clicks, why this human, this boy, ran, why he continues to pace as if he's looking for a way out. Castiel recognizes disbelief in Dean Winchester's tone, fear in Dean's eyes. 

"You don't think you deserve to be saved?"

Dean doesn't answer, but Castiel hears volumes in his silence. 

*

"He doesn't wish to be saved," Castiel tells Anna.

They're sitting in the garden of Eden, by the tall trees that surround the entrance. Anna stands tall next to Castiel, her vessel's red hair catching the light from the sun. It reminds Castiel of sunsets, the color of the sky before it gets dark. Many things remind him of Earth these days. 

"You must save him," Anna says. "Dean Winchester is the most important man in history. Without him, Sam Winchester will fail."

"Fail at what?" Castiel asks.

Castiel has met Sam Winchester. He's seen the darkness in Sam Winchester's heart, the blood that corrupts his soul, the hatred that even Sam does not know exists. There is no hope for Sam Winchester, and when the time comes, Dean will have to kill his brother. 

"Never you mind,"Anna answers, turning back to Castiel. "You must save Dean Winchester. You must make him believe in this cause."

Castiel shakes his head. "I do not know how."

There is silence in the garden, and Castiel takes a moment to feel the warmth on his face. He can feel Jimmy Novak's content, the calm that has been absent since Castiel fought his way through hell. If Castiel could, he would spend a few days in heaven just so that Jimmy Novak could see that after everything he's done, he will be rewarded. 

"Why did you stop watching him?" Anna asks finally.

Castiel takes his time answering. He has never tried speaking to the Father, but in moments like these Castiel can almost feel the presence of God. It's a point of warmth in the center of his being, a sense of calm. On Earth, humans call this hope, sometimes peace. 

"I looked away for a moment," Castiel says. "When I looked back, years had gone by. It wasn't my intention, but the seals and Lillith."

Anna nods. "Yes," she says. "It's so easy to forget that they are human."

"Yes," Castiel says. "I suppose it is."

-

It's Dean's fault that Sam said yes to Lucifer. It's Dean's fault that what little hunters there are left are hiding in the middle of a forest knowing that one day they'll turn into mindless zombies. Dean lives with the knowledge that one day he won't be fast enough to save a friend, that Chuck will get careless and end up strung in pieces along the road. Dean knows that there is nothing he can do but kill Sam, because Dean failed again.

It's Dean's fault Castiel lost his wings.

-

Castiel does not blame Dean, though it was Dean who introduced Castiel to alcohol. But Castiel is his own person. He has his own body and he gave up his grace willingly. Castiel has seen Dean Winchester fight against destiny. He has seen Dean fight for what was right for the entire human race. Castiel has seen a non-believer who believed again for a moment, and that is the man Castiel fell for. 

Castiel has seen a broken man keep fighting. He has seen the world break Dean Winchester over and over, has seen God abandon his children, has seen the angels disappear, and through it all Castiel has lost his faith. But the world has been unkind to Dean Winchester, and Dean Winchester keeps fighting, keeps hoping that there is a way to fix the apocalypse. 

Castiel knows Dean is not perfect. He is too cold, too harsh. He does not forgive easily, but he is a leader in a world ruled by fear. Dean is a man struggling to survive, a free man with nothing left. Dean Winchester is not the champion Castiel would have chosen, but Castiel has followed him to the end of the world. Castiel is following him now, into a mission they both know is suicide, because Castiel has learned that there is nothing one wouldn't do for the people they love. 

 

II.

 

Anna watches Castiel die. She has not been able to feel her brother since his fall from grace, but his death is almost a physical thing to her now. She loves Castiel, prefers him to some of their other siblings, and she would grieve for him, except he cannot die. It isn't the way things are supposed to happen. Anna has heard the Father. She knows that Sam and Dean Winchester must succeed. She has known it since her creation, has known she is to play a part even if she did not fully understand what part.

Now, she is keeping watch over the gates of heaven, because she knows it is only a matter of time before Lucifer attacks. That is where Zachariah finds her.

"Nasty business, isn't it?" he asks, coming to stand next to her. "I trust you've heard of the traitor's fall."

"He is not a traitor," Anna says, her tone sharp. 

"He left us during battle," Zachariah says. "Many of our brothers and sisters died because of him."

"He did it to stop the apocalypse. To stop Lucifer."

Zachariah says nothing, and Anna turns her eyes back to Earth. There is nothing she can do besides bring Castiel and Dean Winchester back to life. But she's done that many times already, has put them back where they were and they've failed time and time again. There is little she can do now.

"Why do you suppose they failed?" Anna asks. 

Zachariah makes a show of sitting down on top of the gates, his clean suit wrinkling as he does. He snaps his fingers and the creases even out.

"Castiel believed too late," Zachariah says. "You know he's always been a slow learner."

Anna is going to ask Zachariah to explain, but she understands. She can see where it all went wrong, how Dean and Castiel didn't trust each other, not until the very end. 

"Castiel stopped watching," Anna says, though she says it more to herself than to Zachariah. "He should have never stopped."

"It's too late now," Zachariah tells her. "It's not as if you can tell them yourself. Lucifer is guarding the Earth now. He'll stop you if you try anything."

"He hasn't before," Anna says. "What makes you thinks he will this time?"

Zachariah tries to be quiet, but Anna has trained for centuries longer than he has. She dodges his blade easily.

"You," she says.

Zachariah steps away from her, twirling his angel blade in his right hand. He looks bored even as he gets into position to attack again.

"Me," he says. "I suppose you want to know why."

Anna laughs, her own blade sliding into her hand. She likes the feel of it, how the metal sings in her hands. She can see from the look on Zachariah's face that they both know that she won't be the one to fall today.

"I have backup," Zachariah says. "The other angels will be here soon, sister. It is best if you join us. It is what the Father wanted."

"Liar," Anna snarls. "Our Father would never have wanted this."

Zachariah laughs. "And how would you know?"

Anna almost tells him. She looks into Zachariah's smiling eyes, at the blade in his hands. She can hear the angels in the distance, can see the way Lucifer's army is climbing to heaven even now. She does not tell him that the Father spoke to her because Zachariah does not deserve to know. He and the archangels in heaven are not worthy, the same way Lucifer was not worthy. She will not have them taint the only connection to the Father she has left.

_Scatter their souls, my child._

The words feel like hope within Anna's chest. They're heavy like the memories of fallen brothers, like the weight of the universe upon her shoulders, and they are for Anna alone. She carried their weight, the responsibility. She was chosen, and she believes in her Father even if she no longer believes in heaven.

"You will not win," Anna says, raising her hand. "Our Father will make sure you do not win."

She can feel Dean Winchester's soul within her hands, can feel Castiel as though he is a part of Dean.

" _Too late,_ " she thinks. " _You were too late. But do not worry. I will give you time_."

She scatters their souls throughout time and hopes that they will find each other, that by the time they have pieced themselves together again, they will be ready. Then she does the only thing that will save her. 

She falls.

 

III.

 

_Massachusetts, April 1692._

Deanna Winchester was named after her grandmother on her mother's side. She thought that coming to the New World would mean freedom, but she has come to understand that there is no real freedom. There are only lies and hatred, a deep evil in the world that corrupts everyone in it. Salem Town is saturated in it, and Deanna has witnessed countless innocent women die because of fear.

She knows she will be next, just as she knew that laying with the quiet sailor would lead to her ruin. But she had seen his gray blue eyes and yearned in ways she'd never felt before. She wants him even now, in her cold bed, wants to feel the burn of his beard against her face as she kisses him. He had looked so lost when she asked him to come to her bed, so confused as though he'd never before lain with a women.

But it had been more than that. When they'd lain together, Deanna had felt something, a connection as though they were twin souls. There had been something in his soul that had been so pure, so different from the darkness she carries in hers. 

Deanna knows witches. She was the first to stand in front of court and point them out because she was tired of innocent women dying for crimes they hadn't committed. The souls of real witches are darker than those of regular humans. Witches are surrounded by fear, disguised as mothers sometimes, alone most times. 

Deanna knows that the sailor, who looks at her as though she is everything, isn't what he seems. His eyes are bright blue and intelligent. His hands remind her of a man in her old home, his voice of a world that she is slowly starting to forget. His soul is brighter than hers, but not bright enough. He's a witch, and Deanna knows witches. 

She carries his child within her now, and though that child is his, Deanna cannot be sure the child will be well received. She knows how well witches can hide behind kind eyes, and she cannot risk the life of her child for one man.

That is why she turns the sailor in.

-

Deanna watches the sailor die, and it feels as though this isn't the first time this sailor has burned because of her. 

 

_Southern California, 1919_

Dean was in his late thirties at the start of the first World War. He served four years at the front before coming home just before the war ended. There is little Dean remembers about his years before the war, very few people he wishes to talk to these days. His brother, Sam, does his best to keep Dean going, to distract him from the fact that Dean saw more death in four years than anyone is supposed to see in their entire lives. 

Dean would care about getting back to society, to maybe finding a pretty girl to settle down with, but he's dying. He hasn't told Sam yet, because Dean sees no reason to make his brother's life any more difficult than it already is. There's nothing Sam can do about it anyway, and even though Dean knows Sam would help as much as possible, this is just something Dean needs to do on his own. 

The doctor who diagnosed Dean with cancer told him that it was chemicals from the war, maybe something he inhaled at his factory job years before the war. 

"There's just no way to tell," the doctor says. 

It turns out, weeks later, that Dean is not the only one with cancer. The automobile factory he worked in before the war had a chemical leak it never told anyone about. There have been 30 deaths related to the chemical leak and news coverage that led to a lawsuit. That is how Sam finds out about Dean's cancer, and how Dean finds out about Castiel. 

\- 

Castiel knew he was dying way before there was a chemical leak at the factory. He'd lived his entire life thinking he was supposed to do great things, change things in some way that would benefit all. He used to think that he'd change lives. But Castiel is dying now and all he's done with his life is pull levers faster than the guys around him. 

Castiel never finds out the name of the man who works two stations down from Castiel's line. The man is the tallest from the men of their shift and he looks tough. He's the kind of guy Castiel used to hide from in school, the kind that was supposed to end up working in a factory while Castiel became a pilot. Sometimes Castiel laughs about the irony when he's alone in his tiny apartment. 

There's one time, right before the war, where Castiel makes eye contact with the guy. He has hazel eyes and long eyelashes. The guy is the kind of attractive that sells tickets to shows, the kind of guy who should be sitting behind an office chair or dying in battle during a war. 

Castiel doesn't think too much on this when he looks at the guy. He can't because there's something about the guy that seems familiar, as though they've seen each other before. But it's more than that too. It's as though Castiel knows who the guy is, as though he's talked to him before. 

When the war starts and the guy doesn't show up to work, Castiel tries to forget about it. A week later, there's a chemical leak in the factory and they're sent home. From there it's only a month before Castiel is diagnosed with lung cancer. He's in the last stages of it, and it's not long after that that he can't get out of bed.

*

Castiel dreams sometimes, somewhere in between dying and dead. He sees a girl with red hair and a warm smile. She calls him brother and holds his hand, whispers secrets into Castiel's ears. 

"You could have been so much more, brother," the girl whispers. 

Her voice carries the weight of eternity, sounds almost hollow with certainty. Her voice is a contradiction to what the girl looks like. On the outside, when Castiel closes his eyes, she seems so fragile, as though she could crumble in Castiel's hands. But when she speaks to him, this girl sounds a thousand years old, sounds as though she alone will ever know all the answers to questions Castiel hasn't even thought to ask.

"I wanted you to be an engineer here. Maybe a pilot. You could have been someone great. But I suppose this works better. This way you know what it is like for them when there is no hope."

Castiel doesn't even feel dying. It's so much easier than his doctor said. It's as simple as going to sleep.

-

Dean remembers Castiel as the man who used to work on the same line Dean worked on. Dean never talked to him, but he remembers blue eyes and downturned corners in a face that seemed to be aging faster than it should have. Dean never spoke to Castiel, but they'd caught each other looking once. That brief moment of eye contact had been like a slap to Dean's face. He recognized the absence of something to fight for in Castiel's expression, as though if he could, Castiel would choose not to be here. 

The war started soon after and though Dean never saw Castiel ever again, he dreamt about him sometimes. 

When he finds out about how Castiel died alone in his apartment, Dean visits the cemetery. The grave is unmarked near the back of the church, a small cross stuck into the ground to give the man a name. He was 33 when he died. 

*

Dean doesn't understand why he brings Castiel flowers, why he can't seem to stop visiting the grave. He sits on the benches sometimes, lets his eyes wander over the graves. Sometimes Dean will lay down on the bench and look at the sky, wonder whether Castiel is up there watching over Dean.

It makes little sense to think that a man who Dean never talked to would care enough to look out for Dean. But there's something about this man that Dean can't let go of. He sees the gray blue eyes in his dreams sometimes, the desperation in them, how much Castiel seemed to need someone to save him. And though Dean is not a savior, he feels that if he'd been given the chance, he might have been able to help.

 

_New York, New York, 1949_

Dean Smith is at a bar at the edge of town. The place is tucked in between a mechanic's shop and an abandoned building. The bar is full of tired men wearing the same expressionless smiles. There is a sense of comradery among all of them, and no one says anything when the men get up in groups of two and go into the back rooms. 

Dean is sitting at a table in the back, his eyes flitting over everyone in the room, never landing on any of the men for too long. It happens automatically for all of them, as though there's a constant voice at the back of their heads reminding the men in the bar that looking is wrong. It figures that even here, where he is accepted, Dean does not feel at home. 

Some nights, when the drinks get to Dean's head, when the lights in the bar are too low so as not to attract attention from the authorities, on these nights Dean wishes he were normal. He wishes he were like his brother Sam, with a wife and a child on the way. Sam can go home to their parents and show off his family. All Dean ever has to show is an empty bottle and anger that has long ago settled into the deepest parts of his chest. 

Dean is inadequate. He is wrong, has let his father down. He's ruined the family without ever doing anything but be who he was born to be. He hides in bars so that he can feel the gaze of men, unabashed for seconds at a time. It's the most free Dean will ever be.

-

The singer at the bar is a man with dark hair and light eyes. He's wearing a white shirt and black slacks. Dean sits in his corner of the bar and rolls his eyes at the number of men who buy drinks for the singer as the night goes on. 

Two nights later, Dean comes in and the guy is waiting for him at Dean's usual table. 

"Hello," Dean says, smiling as he takes a seat.

The guy takes a sip of his drink, something amber colored that shines with the bar lights. "I'm Castiel," he says. "I saw you watching."

"Dean," Dean says, holding out his hand. "And I'm glad you noticed."

-

Anna watches from heaven. She can count on the her fingers the number of lives she's given Castiel and Dean Winchester. She knows that this is the last time Dean will be reborn, and all she can do is hope that he is ready. 

Castiel is less predictable because the seraph is next to her. Her Castiel fights under her command, has been here since the beginning. Anna does not understand what is going to happen to Castiel, but she has seen him move through time. She has seen his soul piece itself back together and it's miraculous, beautiful, that he can even have a soul.

"Sister," Castiel says, when he catches her watching. "What are you looking at?"

Anna turns back to watch Dean and Castiel on Earth. They're walking hand in hand. They are happy.

"Nothing," she says. "I was just watching what our Father has created. You should try it some time, Castiel. There is much to learn from them."

Castiel says nothing, but Anna does not expect him to. She knows this Castiel, the warrior, the good boy who can follow orders. She understands what can happen when Castiel opens up to other humans, when he and Dean Winchester come together. Anna hopes that the time she has given them is enough.

"Anna."

Anna turns to find Zachariah where Castiel stood before. He looks at her the way he always has and Anna cannot be sure if he remembers anything from before. She's lived her existence in heaven wondering when one of them would remember, what they would do once they realized that Anna had rearranged history for Castiel and the Winchesters. 

"Yes, brother?" Anna asks, finally. "What is it?"

Zachariah smiles at her, his vessel fraying at the edges. "I have the strangest feeling that there is something you are not telling me."

"I have been keeping my opinions to myself lately," Anna says. "But I do believe it is time for you to get a new vessel."

Zachariah laughs, a hollow sound that's never fooled Anna. "Yes," he says. "I suppose it's time."

 

_Illinois, sometime in the early 1970's_

Jimmy Novak is born on the night of a full moon. 

-

In heaven, Anna takes Castiel's hand. 

"Almost," she tells him. "Just one more."

Castiel does not understand what she is talking about and Anna will not say. She looks at him and for a moment, Castiel can almost see fear in her eyes. 

"When you need him," Anna tells him. "Find Jimmy Novak."

-

A week later, Anna falls from heaven. 

 

_Lawrence, Kansas, late 1970's_

Dean Winchester is born to Mary and John Winchester, just as they move into their new home in Lawrence Kansas.

-

In heaven, Castiel begins his watch.

 

_Stull Cemetery, near Lawrence, Kansas, 2010._

"Cas, are you God?"

Castiel watches the vulnerable faith on Dean's face. It is almost painful the trust this one man has in Castiel, how easily he was able to reach the deepest parts of Castiel's soul.

"You flatter me," Castiel answers. "But no. I am not God."

Dean's face is bruised, but through the swelling Castiel can see the hope. Dean has lost everything. He's lost Sam, his mother, his father. He's been tortured by angels, manipulated, ignored by a God that should have listened, and even now, he looks at Castiel as though he were the most beautiful thing in the world. Dean looks at Castiel as though he _believes_ in Castiel, as though Castiel can save him, as though Dean _wants_ Castiel to save him.

Castiel puts a hand on Dean's face, watches the way Dean's eyes flutter closed. The trust is overwhelming, and Castiel knows that Dean is not the only one who believes. 

There is a tightness in Castiel's chest, and it is his now. This is no longer Jimmy Novak. It is Castiel, body and soul, grace tucked away safe in this body. Castiel knows this is love, the utter trust Dean has placed in his hands, the way Castiel's heart squeezes painfully in his chest as he heals Dean. This broken man who believes in nothing has chosen to believe in Castiel, just as Castiel has chosen to believe in him.

That is the moment Castiel falls in love.

 

IV.

 

The second time Dean dies, there is no sense of peace, no resignation. He panics, fights with all the strength he has left. He clings to life as though he could keep it in his bare hands. His death is full of panic and fear, of Sam's scared face, of Lilith. And then, it isn't.

The last thing Dean sees when the hellhounds rip into him is a man Dean saw in the street once. He sees gray blue eyes, and Dean doesn't know what it means, but he also doesn't understand why dying feels familiar to him, as though he's done this hundreds of times before.

-

Jimmy Novak isn't just Castiel's vessel. When Castiel steps into Jimmy Novak's body, it is like Castiel has found a piece of himself that he did not know was missing. His soul complements Castiel's grace, invites it in as though the two are long lost twins. Vessels aren't supposed to feel like this. Taking a vessel isn't supposed to make Castiel feel as though he was nobody before, as though he was empty. Stepping into Jimmy Novak brings something back to Castiel that he can't identify.

"You've found yourself, Castiel," Anna says, when Castiel finds her on Earth. "Don't let anyone take that away from you."

Jimmy Novak disappears and at the same time he doesn't. Castiel knows Jimmy is alive and well, that he is safe and happy. But Castiel does not know where Jimmy's soul is. He could no more find _it_ than he can find God. 

It's as though Jimmy Novak has become Castiel.

"Is it supposed to feel like this?" he asks Anna.

"For you and Jimmy Novak, yes, brother. You've found your heart."

Castiel does not ask, and Anna does not say. It is one more secret that Anna keeps from him.

-

Sam is stronger than Lucifer, but Dean never doubted that. No matter how many times Sam has disappointed Dean. No matter how many times Dean has disappointed Sam. The two of them will always believe in each other. It's not something Dean can put into words, though it comes down to the fact the Dean loves Sam like he loves no one else in his life. For his brother, Dean would do anything, no second thoughts, no hesitation.

There is no room for anyone else in Dean's life. Not until Bobby. Not until Castiel. 

*

When Dean opens his eyes after Sam falls into the cage, he sees Castiel. 

That is the moment Dean Winchester falls in love.

-

Castiel does not know what it is about Dean that makes him turn his back on heaven. There are thousands of others that Castiel deems more worthy to save the Earth than Dean Winchester. Castiel cannot even trust Sam, but he looks at Dean and there is something about the way Dean looks back that makes Castiel believe. 

It is as though Castiel has met this human before, as though Dean has proven himself multiple times. Castiel trusts Dean and he can't help it, so Castiel learns to trust his instincts. He learns to feel the way humans feel, to care about something so much that he disobeys.

When Sam willingly falls into the cage for his brother, Castiel knows he's made the right decision.

**Author's Note:**

> Although I did not list major character death, I did put reincarnation in the tags. This means that although the character deaths happen in order for the characters to be reincarnated, there is no actual explicit character death. 
> 
> There is also a brief section in the reincarnation time line where one of the characters is gay and refers to themselves as "wrong." I did it because it fit with the time period, but I'm putting it here in case that bothers anyone. Also, the family is more or less unsupportive, though there is a happy ending to that particular section. 
> 
> There are witches, though no actual burning at the stake.
> 
> The terminal illness warning applies only to one reincarnation scene. SPOILER: Both Dean and Cas are suffering from cancer.


End file.
